During a mediation last week, one of the lawyers (whom I know well) looked at me and said, “Do you know one of the biggest mistakes many mediators make?” He went on to tell me that mediators frequently make wrong assumptions about the participants in the mediation:
- Who are the decision makers?
- Who are the lawyers?
- Who prepared the case?
- Who controls the purse strings?
I immediately thought back to several weeks earlier, when I walked into an initial conference with a plaintiff and mistook a lawyer for a paralegal.
“So how long have you been a paralegal?” I quipped. Her response was the date she had graduated from law school. Of course, I was chagrined by my quick, false assumption.
No matter how unbiased we strive to be, from time to time we all make assumptions about others based on ethnicity, age, race, gender and socio-economics. Making assumptions can derail our efforts to build rapport, show respect, and mediate most effectively.
I appreciated my colleague reminding me of the importance of walking into every mediation – or any gathering for that matter – with an openness to meeting new people and learning not only what role they play in the mediation, but also with an openness and curiosity about each individual story.
I look forward to learning more about your story and to meeting the involved parties in your case – without first making an unfair assumption!